Resolutions are cute. The end of year feels like a solid full stop (a period––in American speak). It’s a chance to start a new sentence in my book––an opportunity to write a twist in my life story, a new quasi-beginning. What does this mean? 2010 was who I’ve been, 2011 is who I can be… “who I am” is somewhere between the life I live and the life I imagine.
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| At an African party in London, March 2009 |
On December 31st 2009, I resolved to make 2010 the year of sober Aida. It seemed unimaginable to some who could only visualize me with a glass of shiraz attached to the end of my right arm like a prosthesis––enjoying the organic yet mechanical motions of daily carousal. 90% of New Year’s resolutions don’t last longer than one week. I, too, would have doubted my ability to pull off a booze-free year if it hadn’t been for the fact that on the night of the 31st I felt like I was on day three of the worst hangover of my life. 31st December 2009 found me back in California suffering the effects of a hectic Uganda-Kenya booze binge. I was so turned off alcohol; it was easy to swear to be done with that delightful devil.
Quitting booze had its perks. I’ve written about the caloric catastrophes of immoderate imbibing here. But I quit drinking for more than just the weight loss benefits. Drinking was an excuse for me to feel okay relinquishing control. But when I really thought about it… I was liberated, scandalous and comfortable at any level of intoxication or complete sobriety for that matter. I haven’t quite been able to figure out what I got of drinking or would get out of drinking again… and I still don’t trust myself to behave “moderately”… so for now, I’m comfortable not knowing when and if I’ll drink again.
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| Winter wear, November 2010 |
So what of 2011? Well, I would like to consider this thing you call “moderation” … primarily in terms of exercise. I’ve been on holiday for three weeks now––I’m eating like a queen, haven’t written down one calorie, working out about 3 times a week instead of 6 or 7… and to my elation, for now, my weight and size has not changed. In 2011, I will do a better job of marrying an active and healthy lifestyle with an equally rigorous dedication to my academic life, spiritual life but most importantly… social life! I will stop lying to people that I’m maintaining as I secretly try to lose more weight… really Aida… enough is enough. I’ve been teetering between veganism and vegetarianism… in the New Year… I will probably continue to teeter… and I will be okay with that. I don’t want to be afraid… of adding weight, losing weight, food, or hard work. I want to try new things and keep working on the old. I will run races. I will start dance classes. I will be resolute in my pursuit of the life I want to live; active in the making of the world I want to live in.
I saw this on somebody’s facebook page the other day:
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Bye 2010! Hello 2011!
Happy New Year, Everybody!!
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| Nairobi sunset driving back from a day trip, December 2010 |
Aida!!!!!! Happy new year my love. I'm copying you and going to try not to drink or smoke for a year. I already spent two days partying in Paris without booze and world did not end. You look mighty happy in that pink dress up there, with the glass of wine. Adorable.
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